The Attack of the OOCs!
by crematosis
Summary: After being bitten by some strange bugs, everyone begins to act oddly...Albel fears for his life and Fayt falls in love with every girl on the ship.Also features alternate dimensions and the naruto world! Will the star ocean characters ever become normal?
1. Invasion of the OOCs

A/N: It's tiring after awhile to make sure to write someone in character. I wanted to do this for fun and to take a break from serious work. So all the character will be OOC for most of the time. XD I'm very sorry if I offend anyone by making their favorite character suddenly seem silly or stupid…but it's just for fun.

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Ocean...or Aladdin. I got this idea from an Aladdin episode where Aladdin and Jasmine were bitten by bugs and they became way weird.

A long time ago in a galaxy far away…well, maybe not that far…there was a planet inhabited entirely by bugs known as oocs. The planet Oo-oo-c was religiously avoided by all space travelers, even atheists. The ooc bug but hard and with that one bite completely changed a being's personality. Scientists could never figure out exactly why. Some believed that the bugs secreted a neurotoxin that briefly scrambled the victim's brain. Others insisted that the bug's bite simply showed the world a hidden personality that the person had long kept hidden. Whatever the case may be, it led to considerable embarrassment on the part of the victim. As travelers ceased traveling the route close to the planet, the memory of why they avoided that route faded from existence. No one was aware of the fact that the planet had been recently destroyed and the bugs, which coincidentally had no need for oxygen, were flung into space. And that is where our story begins.

A high feminine scream echoed through the ship. "Aaah! It's a bug! It's a bug! Oh Lord, it's ugly!"

Albel the Wicked rolled over and eyed his roommate. "Sophia?"

Fayt sighed. "Sophia."

"Make her shut up," Albel growled, putting a pillow over his head.

Fayt groaned and got up to go find Sophia. But at that moment, the girl dashed into his room. She was dressed in a pink nightgown and a bathrobe that kept slipping off her shoulders. Looking agitated, she grabbed onto Fayt's hand and started yanking. "Please, come on. It's huge!"

"How big?" Albel asked, sounding bored.

"At least 7 inches long."

"Nothing to worry about then," Albel muttered, unconcerned. "It's not huge until it's at least a foot."

"But it's so ugly!" Sophia protested. "Horns and spots and scaly skin. I can't stand it!"

Albel sighed and swung out of bed, slowly pulling on his boots. "Very well, worm. I will come and kill it for you. I know we won't have a moment's peace until it's dead."

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" Sophia jumped up and down in glee.

Albel scowled. "Oh shut up, maggot."

"I'll come with you," Fayt said resolutely.

"I don't need help killing a miserable bug," Albel growled.

"Oh no…that's not what I meant. I mean-I'll manage Sophia. Seeing you get bug guts all over the ship might upset her."

Silently, Albel observed how Sophia was clutching desperately to the front of Fayt's faded pajama shirt. With a derisive snort he turned away. "Very well, see that you keep her eyes covered. I won't stand for any more useless screaming."

Sophia tugged on Fayt's arm, leading him out into the hall. Albel silently followed behind.

By this time, some of the others were already awake. Roger stepped out into the hallway, sleepily rubbing his eyes. "What's going on? Is there a monster?"

Cliff staggered out into the hallway, still yanking on his shoes and gloves. "What are you guys doing up? I heard a scream."

"Sophia screamed," Fayt explained. "She saw a bug. We're going to get rid of it."

Cliff eyed Sophia. "It's two a.m. What were you doing wandering around?"

Sophia blushed. "Err, I was in the kitchen getting a drink of water."

"Is that where it is?" At Sophia's nod, Cliff balled his hand into a fist. "I'm not letting any varmint into our food supplies. Let's go."

A few feet down the hall, Peppita came out of her room holding a pack of cards. Adray followed, a few cards tucked up his sleeves. After inquiring politely what was going on, they joined the procession.

They passed through the Navigation Room where Maria and Mirage were deciding on their next course. The two women looked up at the interruption.

"Sorry," Cliff said with an apologetic shrug. "We're just passing through. There's some kind of varmint loose on the ship in the kitchen."

Maria fixed them all with a steely glare. "Bugs just don't appear on ships. It had to have been brought on at Elicoor." She glared at Albel accusingly."

"Don't look at me," Albel retorted. "All of us were in Elicoor. It could have easily have been you."

Maria grumbled crossly. "Well, let's go have a look."

"Where's Nel?" Fayt asked.

"Oh, she went to get a midnight snack," Maria said off-handedly.

Sophia gasped and urgently tugged on Fayt's hand. "Come on! We have to save her!"

Nel was in the ship's kitchen calmly munching on an apple. She looked startled when everyone walked through the door. "Fayt, Sophia, Albel, Cliff…what are you all doing here?"

"All right, where is it?" Albel snarled.

"Where's what?"

A brown and gray spotted beetle with a rough scaly body and two long curved horns crawled out from under a crate. Sophia screamed. "Kill it! Kill it!"

Maria held Albel back. "Wait. We need to know what we're up against. I'll go get the scanner."

With a determined look, Maria pointed the device at the bug. She frowned. "That's odd. It says it's an unidentified species."

Peppita jumped up and down excitedly. "Yippee! We discovered a new species. We'll be famous!"

"Bah," Albel said irritably. "Bugs are bugs and this one deserves to die."

"No, don't kill it!" Peppita begged.

Albel ignored her, but as he brought his sword down, the bug chattered in alarm and skittered backwards.

A metallic clang followed by a low rendering creak echoed throughout the ship. Albel paused and looked around slowly. "Why does it sound as if the ship is breaking apart?"

"It shouldn't be," Cliff muttered, his eyes raised to the vent as a scratching noise slowly increased in volume.

"Uh-oh," Fayt whispered. "It sounds like a swarm."

Everyone drew their weapons and waited anxiously. Without warning a flood of over a thousand bugs poured through the grating, knocking it off. They began covering the entire room. The group was overwhelmed. Maria only had enough time to wildly fire a shot at the veiling before she was pushed to the ground and covered in bugs.

The bugs crawled from the floor up Albel's body, biting all the way up. "Get off me!" he shouted. Albel's will broke and he dissolved into frantic pleading. "Get them off! Get them off! Please, dear god, help me. Get them offff!"

After a few minutes, the bugs slowly retreated up the walls, back into the vents and it was silent except for Albel's sobbing.


	2. Losing Control

A/N: This chapter brought to you by sobbing Albel…and the number 4, which coincidentally happens to be the number of brain cells I have left. 0o okay, moving on…I'm sure there will be a lot of movie references in this thing…if you can find them you get a…well, I think I can get you something…an invisible cookie perhaps? Or an imaginary rabbit? XD

Disclaimer: Welcome to the wonderful world of Star Ocean as it should be for hilarious comedic purposes…objects in author's imagination are stupider than they really are…

After the frightening experience, Cliff was the first one to take charge. "Okay, everyone line up and we'll assess the damage."

Albel sniffled and retreated further into his corner. "Please, it wasn't my fault. Don't hurt me!" He cowered, putting his hands over his head.

"Of course it wasn't your fault if you were bitten. Don't be so dense." Cliff sighed impatiently. "Albel, just get over here so I can look at you."

Albel cringed and stood next to Cliff with his head bowed in shame. Cliff rolled his eyes and examined Albel's arm. "Looks like you were bitten pretty badly." Albel flinched and tried to pull away. Cliff just held on tighter. "Not so fast. You'll need to go to the medical ward and get it treated, but you'll be fine."

Cliff drummed his fingers on the control panel. "I said for everyone to get over here! I'm not joking!"

Nel eyed Cliff over the top of a notebook and began writing furiously as she muttered in a low voice. "And thusly do wild roses bloom, all covered by thorns. And thusly do the flowers fade, into the glistening morn."

"Now is not the time for poetry," Cliff growled. His eyes fell upon Fayt and Sophia. "Hey! No public displays of affection! There will be no making out on this ship. Don't make me separate you two!"

Reluctanly, Fayt moved away from Sophia. Sophia sighed happily and gazed at fayt with devotion. "Oh, Fayt," she whispered. "Fayt. Fayt, Fayt, Fayt."

Fayt however, had already forgotten about Sophia and he was looking at Nel hungrily.

Cliff frowned. "Okay, now where's Peppita?"

"Right here, sir," Peppita said shyly, her hands clasped behind her back and one foot inclined forward.

"Okay, good. Stand over there with everyone else so I can just walk down the line and look you over."

"Yes, sir," Peppita said meekly.

"Let's see…who else are we missing? Mirage, Roger, Adray…and Maria."

Adray jumped up from behind a control panel, his eyes blazing with fury as he looked around wildly. "Where is she? Where is that good for nothing daughter of mine? I'm going to kill her! I hate, I loathe, I despise!"

Cliff looked slightly disturbed. "Restrain yourself, sir."

"It was all her fault," Adray muttered mutinously.

"But Clair's adorable!" Mirage shrieked, her hair covered in butterfly clips. "I can't believe how adorable she is. I could shop with her all day. She's just-" Mirage broke off with a delighted scream.

Adray frowned. "Good for nothing girl."

"Who's' Clair?" asked Roger, his eyes wide with childlike wonder.

"So cute!" Mirage shrieked, scooping Roger up in her arms.

"You're a nice lady," Roger murmured sleepily, contentedly snuggling up in Mirage's arms. "Will you be my mommy?"

Mirage squealed with happiness. "Oh my god, this will be so much fun! I'll get you the cutest outfits. Let's go shopping right away!"

"Not so fast!" Cliff shouted. "Nobody is going anywhere until I check for injuries."

Mirage pouted. "Spoilsport. I want to take care of roger."

"You can do that later. Everybody line up. Maria, that means you!"

Maria spun around excitedly in wide circles. "Whee!" She brought up her gun and fired at the ceiling. A small bit of insulation rained down and the force of the shot knocked Maria to the ground.

"Stop blowing holes in my ship!" Cliff roared. "Now, get over here before I decide to shoot you with that thing."

Maria shrugged and happily skipped over to the end of the line.

Cliff carefully traveled down the line, stopping here and there to inspect an arm or a neck and barking instructions. Albel was shaking badly and looked about to pass out. Roger was clinging nervously onto Mirage's legs.

"Okay, nobody's hurt too badly," Cliff announced. "You can all use some antibiotics and then you'll be fine." He paused and frowned thoughtfully. "I'm missing someone."

"Oh wow! Look at this!" a voice exclaimed.

Cliff turned around and rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Maria, I told you to stay put!"

"Pretty colors!" Maria declared, slamming a fist down onto an orange button. The ship instantly went dark and then something strange happened…


	3. Mommy Dearest

A/N: woo…I'm back. Time for some more funny/weird/random moments…thanks to Maria we now have the spiffy alternate reality button…let's give her a hand folks! XDDD We now have italics for this alternate reality.

Disclaimer: I own nothing...except maybe a few socks and fingerless gloves. XD

"_Mommy, mommy! Look what I found!" yelled an excited seven year old Fayt. He ran through the grass up to his mother and held out a plastic container with a red dragonfly inside. "See? See? I caught it all by myself."_

_His mother smiled indulgently and tore her scarlet eyes from the novel she was reading. She tucked a strand of shoulder-length caramel hair behind her ear as she smoothed down her lavender skirt. "Such a clever boy. Let's have a look at it." She patted a spot on the park bench next to her._

_Fayt happily sat on the bench where his mother had indicated. He fidgeted and swung his legs back and forth. "Isn't it the coolest?"_

"_Yes it is." She affectionately ruffled Fayt's hair._

"_Albelle! Hey, Bella, where are you at?"_

_Albelle rolled her eyes in irritation. "It's about time the clumsy oaf arrived." Fayt looked up at her in wonder._

_Cliff skidded around a corner. "Oh, there you are. My two favorite people in the world." He gave Fayt a quick peck on the forehead and embraced Albelle._

_She pulled away from him and pointed an accusing finger. "Clifford, you ninny! I told you to be here an hour ago. You're a stupid bi-"_

"_Not in front of the child!" Cliff pleaded, clapping his hands over Fayt's ears._

There was a loud popping sound and everyone was aware of being back on the ship. Cliff examined his hands to be sure he was really himself and then shuddered as he glanced at Albel.

Albel whimpered and back up against the wall. "I didn't do it! Please don't make me have to give birth to Fayt again."

"Of course I won't," Cliff growled. "That was beyond disgusting."

Maria laughed. "But you did it! You made Albel a mommy. Cliff's gay!"

"No I'm not!" Cliff snarled. "Albel was a girl so-besides, it wasn't even me."

"Yes it was! I saw you!"

"I saw me too. It was like watching a movie of myself but not actually being myself."

Nel cleared her throat. "An alternate world, a universe unspoken-"

"Not now, Nel," Cliff interrupted her irritably. "I'm ready to go to bed. That whole episode has left me drained."

"Yeah, it's time we went back to bed," Mirage said happily. "Come on, cutie-wutie Roger. Mommy's going to put you in bed for a nap."

"Okay," Roger said cheerfully.

Mirage squealed and hugged him tightly. "You're such a good kid. Mommy loves you to pieces."

"Okay," Cliff said importantly. "Let's all go to bed, but everybody had better be up by 8 sharp. That gives you 6 hours."

Everyone mumbled their assent and slowly filtered back to their rooms. "Yes, sir!" Maria yelled with a sloppy salute.

Cliff started to walk away but he abruptly turned back. "Maria, if you EVER touch that button again, I'll have you court-martialed."

"What does that mean?"

"Never mind! Just don't do it."

"Okay, can I push another button?"

"No! Don't touch any of them."

"Can I drive?"

"For gosh sakes! No! You need to be chained up or something to keep you out of trouble."

Maria cocked her to one side. 'Do you like Albel?"

"NO! I already told you I'm not gay."

"I'll go tell him you dislike him!" Maria shouted. "You'll make him sad."

Cliff grabbed onto Maria's arm. "Don't talk to him. Don't talk to anybody. In fact, don't do anything at all. Stay in your room tomorrow. It'll save us trouble."

"Okay, but can I-"

Cliff clapped his hands over his ears. "No, no, no! I'm going to bed. No more questions. He slammed the door in Maria's face."


	4. A fangirl's fantasy

A/N: XD another round of weirdishness…but this time, this time I'm adding in a friend who really wanted to be in the story…and I don't know how many of you are fans of naruto, but my friend candeh is…so I had to put in some naruto-ness. he-he and we'll also see a bit of Ashley, another friend of mine that likes naruto.

Disclaimer: I do not own star ocean, do not own naruto, I do not own any T.V. show, movie, game, book, or anything else for that matter….I don't even own candeh. 0o

The day dawned bright and sunny on most planets, but in the far reaches of space where sunlight did not reach, the intrepid space traveler was greeted by the interior lighting of the ship. And so it was for those aboard the Diplo.

Mirage was the first one awake. She entered the large control room and sat down to wait. She held Roger, who was still half-asleep in her arms. She was dressed in a brand new pink miniskirt and a very complicate blouse with lace and ribbons and glitter. Roger was wrapped up in a pale blue blanket and he was wearing a bright red t-shirt and green pants.

Fayt came in later and sat VERY close to Mirage. Mirage however, was not paying attention to him. She was too busy fussing over Roger so at last Fayt gave up in disappointment.

Cliff walked in at exactly 8 and looked around. He frowned as he noticed that Sophia was not there, and that Maria was. Sophia arrived a few seconds later with her hair done in delicate curls.

"Fayt, don't I look pretty?" she asked.

"Sure," said Fayt, although he was concentrating on Nel, who was lying on the floor reading a book of poetry.

Fayt carefully dropped to the floor and edged over to Nel. He looked at her over the top of her book. "Nel," he whispered.

Nel looked up and Fayt seized his chance: he kissed her.

Nel looked disgusted. "Withering scorn, this morning earned. A boy with young hormones. A tale interrupted by perchance. The maiden scorned him this early morn. While the young boy took chance. The dewy dame wished him all shame. And the boy ran off on his own."

Sophia looked heartbroken. "But Fayt, I thought you loved me."

Fayt shrugged. "I do, but have to go and experiment to see who the best is for me. And as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Sophia sighed. "Well, alright, but please don't take too long checking out everyone else before you decide you love me more."

Adray was busy pacing the hallways muttering death threats about Clair. Mirage was happily cuddling Roger and gushing about his cuteness.

Cliff frowned. "Mirage, where did you get those clothes?"

"I went shopping of course." Mirage giggled and twirled in a circle, showing of her skirt.

"In the middle of space?" Cliff looked confused.

"Silly, you do know that there's online shopping, don't you? They just send the stuff directly to you through a teleporter. I've got one hooked up in my room."

Cliff frowned. "I can't believe what impatient women will do to get clothes. If I was in charge, everyone would dress in practical clothing, not these silly skirts."

"Blasphemy!" Mirage shrieked, carefully setting Roger down and then leaping at Cliff.

"Whoa, whoa...calm down. I didn't mean that I won't let you wear the skirt, it's just…owww! Not there!"

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Adray cheered. "Beat her up, Cliff! Show that woman her place."

"You're next," Mirage snarled.

"On your marks, get set, go!" Maria shouted, firing her weapon across the control room.

The control panel sizzled and Cliff shouted, "Stop endangering the equipment!"

Maria frowned and examined her gun. "It's not aiming properly…oh…I know! Aiming device!"

"Stop that now!" Cliff roared as Maria's gun fired upon the control panel. Mirage threw herself to the ground to protect herself.

Suddenly there was a brilliant flash of light and the control room filled with smoke. As the smoke cleared, a coughing girl emerged withdark purple hair and a gray battle suit. She frowned as she looked over everyone. "Hey, this isn't Animecon! Where am I?"

"She looks eerily like Maria," Cliff muttered to Fayt. Out loud he said. "You're aboard the Diplo. I'm Cliff and you are…?"

The girl smiled brightly. "I'm Candeh, but I'm cosplaying as Major Motoko. Isn't she awesome?"

"Cosplaying," Cliff murmured. He slowly backed away and typed it into the computer's technical terms dictionary. "Ohhhh, you mean dressing up as someone else."

"Not just anybody!" The girl yelled. "Major Motoko is the coolest!"

Cliff tried to calm her down. He shot Maria a dirty look. "Nice going, you activated the fangirl button."

Cliff sighed. "Okay, since we don't know how to send you back, you might be here for awhile. I might as well introduce you to everyone. Everyone line up!"

Cliff began with Nel. "Okay, for starters, this is Nel. She really likes to-"

"Ew, it's Albel!" Candeh yelled, scrambling backwards from him.

Albel backed into a corner and hid behind a pile of boxes. "Don't hurt me, please."

Cliff looked surprised. "You know of us?"

"Yeah," Candeh said importantly. "On my world you guys are just videogame characters."

There was a collective gasp as everyone pondered this. "We're not real?" Maria asked tearfully.

"Yup. But people still like you anyway."

Candeh walked around the room looking at people and making faces at their strange behavior. "Oh, it's Roger!" Candeh cried. "You're not as cool as Deidara, but you'll do." She hugged him and Mirage glared at her fiercely.

Mirage snatched Roger away from Candeh. "He's my son. Don't you dare touch him!"

Candeh merely shrugged and walked over to a control panel. "Ooh, this looks pretty cool."

Cliff winced. "No, don't touch anything."

Candeh's brown eyes lit up excitedly. "You mean this thing can go just about anywhere?"

"What are you talking about?" Cliff growled.

Candeh happily slammed one of the buttons and the ship started to rock violently and then it came to a violent stop that sent everyone sliding into the walls.

"I'll be right back," Candeh informed everyone cheerfully. She stepped into the teleporter and was instantly outside of the ship hurtling towards the ground.

Albel pressed his face to a window. "Look at all those explosions and screaming people! She'll be killed out there!"

"Well, good riddance to her," Cliff muttered. "If she chooses to walk into war, that's her problem."

Candeh continued to walk through all the explosions and people screaming in pain and fear as she walked over a bridge.

"What's she doing?" Adray murmured, his face also pressed up against the glass.

Cliff scowled and turned his back on everyone. "It's her problem. I'm not getting involved."

"Hey, look, she found a gun...I think it's a gun anyway," Adray murmured doubtfully. "Come on, Candeh! Blow those bastards up!"

Mirage forcefully elbowed him in the side. "Poor little Roger! Don't use such evil words around him." She kissed Roger's forehead and cradled him in her arms.

There was a light tapping on the underside of the ship, since it was hovering gently a few feet above the ground. Adray switched on the teleporter and Candeh appeared back on the ship with a business-like look on her face.

"That was so awesome!" Maria said excitedly, shaking Candeh's hand with glee.

"What was?" said Candeh quizzically.

"You went through all those explosions and dying people and you're not hurt!"

Candeh made a dismissive sound. "This is GITSSAC. They're in the middle of a refugee revolution war." She paused and her eyes widened. "Wait a minute, this is section nine. I could meet the real Major Motoko. I have to go back!"

"No, almost dying once is enough for you," Cliff said sternly.

Candeh sighed sadly, but almost immediately an evil look came over her face. "I have another idea where to go."

Cliff started to protest but Candeh slammed the button with her outstretched hand and away they went.

Candeh happily patted her gun, an AK-47. "This baby can blow Sasuke to pieces." She grinned violently.

"Oh no you don't," Cliff growled. "There will be no killing here, unless it is absolutely a matter of life and death. Murder is not for pleasure. Put that gun away right now."

Candeh frowned and gently slipped the gun into her side belt. "Fine, I don't have to use it right now anyway."

Adray leaned over the control panel and looked out the window. "What kind of a planet is this?"

Cliff shoved him. "Out of the way! I need to drive!"

It was too late. The ship crashed into the earth, bounced once and skidded a few feet. The group was thrown against the walls.

The first to recover was Candeh. She leaped out of the ship wielding a long sword. "I shall kill you, sasuke!" she shouted.

Cliff got to his feet quickly. "Just because I said no guns doesn't mean you can use a sword!" he roared.

Candeh either did not hear or she chose to ignore him because she continued running at full speed, screaming death threats at Sasuke.

Cliff frowned. "Where did she get a sword anyway?" He glanced at the rest of the group until his gaze fell on Albel who was cowering nearby. He did not see Albel's sword.

"Albel," Cliff growled in frustration. "Why did you let her take your sword?"

Albel shivered with fear. "I couldn't help it. She was scary."

Cliff sighed heavily. "Fine, Albel, have it your way. Let's hurry and catch up to her before she does any real damage. Let's move out!"

Cliff and the group caught up with candeh a little later. She was excitedly looking at all the ninjas walking down the street a few feet away from her. She squealed with happiness. "Look, it's Neji! And Kiba! Ooh and Shikamaru! This is so awesome!"

"Talk about obsessed," Cliff muttered dryly.

Candeh's eyes burned with rage. "I see everyone but Sasuke. Where is that stupid sasuke?" She snarled.

A boy with black hair, black pants and a red jacket jumped out from behind the building. He carefully adjusted his ninja headband and tucked his i-pod further into his pocket. "Muahaha! It is I, Uchiha Sasuke!"

Candeh pushed him aside and continued walking closer to the street. "Nice try, Alex."

Alex looked crestfallen. "Aw, how did you…wait, never mind. It looks like this job will be harder than I thought."

Looking around carefully, he pulled a walkie-talkie out of his pocket and hissed. "It looks like we'll need dragons."

"Dragons?" Albel whimpered and clutched at his claw arm, rocking back and forth, filled with painful memories.

Candeh looked about searchingly. Then her eyes lit up again. "Aha! There he is. He can't hide from me. DIE, SASUKE, DIE!"

And with that, she charged down the hill towards a boy practicing throwing knives. "You die now, evil sasuke!"

"This girl is impossible to control," Cliff growled angrily.

Adray looked excited. "She's my kind of woman. Go, go! Kill him!"

Sasuke looked up in confusion at the girl charging towards him. He waited until she was very close and then dodged her attack and grabbed onto her wrist and twisted the sword away from him.

As Candeh struggled, he stared at her and asked in a monotone voice, "Who are you anyway? You're not a ninja."

Candeh grinned wickedly. "I'm your worst nightmare."

Sasuke looked slightly startled as candeh drew the AK-47 from her pocket. "What kind of weapon is that?"

At that moment a shadowy figure moved from behind a tree. Sasuke turned to look and his eyes narrowed. "Itachi!" he snarled.

Itachi merely stared at Sasuke as he stepped forward. "It looks like you're in trouble again, little brother. Are you going to let this girl kill you?"

"Stay out of this!" Sasuke snapped. "I'll have plenty of strength to defeat her and then kill you."

Itachi shrugged and continued to stare emotionlessly at Sasuke.

Candeh took the opportunity to kick Sasuke in the back of the legs while his back was turned and slash his back with her sword. Sasuke gasped and collapsed to the ground. Candeh laughed with victory and put her right leg on his chest as she pointed the gun at him. "Say your prayers," she growled.

"I don't think so," said another voice from behind the tree.

Still with her foot on Sasuke's stomach, Candeh turned to look.

A tall girl with long brown hair and fierce hazel eyes stepped out from behind the tree. An Akatsuki cloak was wrapped around her shoulders and she held a katana in her hands. Kisame appeared standing behind her.

"Who are you to interrupt me?" Candeh growled. "I was about to kill Sasuke."

"I won't let you," the girl said warningly. "Sasuke deserves to live." She smiled at Itachi who stared back at her impassively. "Don't worry, I won't let your baby brother be killed."

"Don't you dare talk to Itachi!" Candeh screamed. "Itachi is mine!"

The girl smirked. "Shall we fight over him then?"

"You'll lose of course. Sasuke deserves to die!"

"Very well." The girl smiled. "I, Ashley, challenge you to a duel. You may use that sword and I will use my katana. If I win, you must not kill Sasuke and you may not have Itachi. If I lose, you may kill both me and Sasuke and Itachi is yours to do whatever you please with."

Candeh snarled. "I'm ready when you are, loser."

Ashley smiled an easy, confident grin. "I was born ready."

A/N: So, folks, we're just about ready for the amusing conclusion of-

Candeh: Amusing! This is a matter of life and death!

Me: uhh..right. Anyway, the battle between fangirls will air sometime next week. Now is the time to place your bets on who you think will win! Will it be Ashley with the Akatsuki cloak or Candeh the cosplayer? Tune in next time for the exciting conclusion!


	5. fighting fangirls

A/N: Yes, this is the absolute last chapter in the naruto world…and no, Akatsuki capes are not magical…XD Ashley wishes they were…then she could use them to uhh...something…XD Anyway...you voted and…well…it didn't tell me a lot…so I got to do what I wanted to! Woo!

Disclaimer: I own nobody..star ocean and naruto aren't really real..except for Albel and Fayt in my head…and candeh and Ashley and Alex are real or at least so I've been told…XD

The two girls dropped into fighting positions, snarling. More Akatsuki members stepped out from behind the tree to watch. Suddenly a loud yell filled the area. "Sasuke!"

A panting blond ninja raced up and pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke. "Bastard! You stole that comic book from me! I know you did."

Sasuke sighed and looked bored. "Naruto, I'm a little occupied right now."

Naruto blinked, this time assessing the situation. He pondered whether or not to help sasuke. "Stupid bastard won't lose...he's stronger than me…damn him! I'll show him one day!" Naruto clenched his fist and muttered these words to himself.

Ashley gently tapped naruto on the shoulder. "You've got a bug on your hand."

"A bug!" naruto leaped at least three feet in the air and began to run around frantically, shaking his hand wildly. "Get it off, get it off!" Then he jumped over Sasuke and backed up against the tree and whimpered, sucking on his fingers. "It hurts."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "You're even more of an idiot than I thought."

"You're mean!" Naruto accused, bursting into loud tears.

Sasuke gave naruto an odd look. "Okay, whatever that was, I don't need to see it again."

Candeh kicked at sasuke. "Shut up!"

"Don't you dare touch him," Ashley snarled.

The two girls dropped back into position. Candeh was the first to make her move. With a wild yell, she launched herself at Ashley. Ashley was ready for her and brought up her katana to defend. The two weapons clashed with a loud metallic clang. They both stared each other down, inches away, both unwilling to move their sword, hoping to push the other back.

Suddenly Candeh screeched and pointed. "Look! Albel's kissing Maria!"

Ashley gasped. "Ewww! He can't do that. He and Maria wouldn't make a good couple. Albel, don't do it!"

Candeh took advantage of Ashley's distraction to jump up and grab onto a tree branch right above her. She swung back and forth to gain momentum and then launched herself, kicking Ashley in the back of the head. Ashley fell hard but she immediately kicked upward and righted herself. She aimed a high kick that knocked Candeh's sword of her hand.

"Ha, I win!" Ashley cheered.

"Not so fast," said Candeh lazily, pulling out her gun.

Ashley scowled. "That's cheating!"

"So? I still win. If you say otherwise I'll shoot you dead."

"Uhh, okay..it's a draw. You can have Itachi and Sasuke gets to live."

"But I wanted to kill Sasuke!" Candeh shouted.

"Fine, you can kill sasuke and I get Itachi."

Candeh looked surprised. "You'll give in so easily?"

"Sure, because I can resurrect him."

"You can't do that," Candeh scoffed.

"Yes I can." Ashley pointed to her clothes. "I have an Akatsuki cloak."

"AKATSUKI CLOAKS ARE NOT MAGICAL!" Candeh bellowed.

"I didn't say they were. Anyway, I'm a very powerful ninja and you just have a gun."

Candeh stuck out her tongue. "Major Motoko has cool powers. She can leap off buildings and look cool while doing it!"

Ashley looked unimpressed. "Fine, I'll cut you a deal. I won't resurrect Sasuke until you're off the planet and in return, you won't hit on Itachi."

Candeh chuckled evilly. "But remember, you said if you lost I could kill you too."

Ashley snorted. "So? I could resurrect myself too."

"Darn!" Candeh scowled and crossed her arms over her chest.

Ashley looked smug. "All your "skills" aren't much good, are they?"

"YES THEY ARE!" Candeh yelled. "I bet you can't do this!" Candeh scrambled up the side of a tall building and looked down at Ashley. With a serene look on her face, Candeh launched herself, falling gracefully face first , her body twisting in the air, with the Inner Universe song playing, until she came close to the ground. With a powerful flip, Candeh righted herself and just as she was about to land, Deidara jumped up from nowhere and grabbed her.

Candeh squealed in delight. "Deidara, you caught me!"

"Of course I did, yeah!" Deidara said proudly, balancing her on his shoulders.

Candeh gazed at Sasuke hatefully as naruto continued to leap around spastically.

Deidara noticed her look. "I think it's best if Itachi kills Sasuke, yeah."

"Can't I just kill him once before we go?" Candeh said hopefully.

Deidara grinned. "Yeah."

Candeh hopped off Deidara's shoulders and aimed her Ak-47 at Sasuke, filling his body full of bullets. Then she climbed back onto Deidara's shoulders' and happily put her arms around his neck.

"I'm going to capture you and take you back to the Akatsuki hideout, yeah," Deidara informed her.

"Yeah! Sounds good to me!"

Candeh stuck out her tongue at Ashley and laughed hysterically as Deidara ran off with her into the sunset.

"Hey, you come back here!" Ashley roared. "You have to leave the planet so I can resurrect sasuke again." But Candeh and Deidara were already way beyond hearing range, so Ashley scowled and kicked at a tuft of grass. "Fine, I'll resurrect him anyway."

Ashley bent down over Sasuke's body and made several complicated hand motions. The holes in Sasuke's body started to heal over and then he blinked open his eyes and stared at Ashley. "Where did that other psycho go?"

"she went off to join the Akatsuki," Ashley said gruffly.

"You're alive!" Naruto shrieked, throwing his arms around Sasuke's neck.

"Don't touch me," Sasuke growled, prying him off.

Ashley beamed. "I'm glad things are back to normal." She straightened up and calmly surveyed the now peaceful area, until she noticed a pair of eyes staring holes into the back of her neck.

She turned around to see Itachi staring at her with no expression at all. Ashley was not alarmed. "Yes, Itachi-sama?" she asked cheerfully.

Itachi said nothing. He walked forward and stopped barely a few inches from Ashley. He continued to stare with his eyes narrowed slightly in concentration.

Ashley barely suppressed a squeal. Itachi was so close to her and looking directly at her. Surely he would-

"I will kill you!" Sasuke shouted, now standing and gazing menacingly at Itachi.

Itachi turned to look at Sasuke with a blank emotionless look. Ashley sighed in disappointment.

"I'll take care of him for you!" Adray said cheerfully. He prodded Cliff in the side and together they grabbed onto both of sasuke's arms and led him away, struggling. Naruto ran after them, poking sasuke in the ribs while his hands were immobile. Sasuke scowled, but said nothing.

Adray and Cliff dumped Sasuke on grassy hill and Sasuke scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. "Itachi is a killer. I have to avenge my family's deaths by killing him."

Maria crept up behind him and in a spooky voice whispered. "You were secretly born to a clan of cats. All but one of your nine lives is now used. You won't survive after this."

Sasuke frowned and backed away from her. "Who is this strange girl anyway?"

Maria jumped up to her feet and tossed her head back and raised her hands. "I am the child of vampire offspring. I must survive into the new generation. Heed my cry, o mighty clouds!"

With a cry of "Rawr!" Maria launched herself at sasuke and sasuke brought out his shurikens to defend against her.

Cliff sighed heavily. "Should we go help the idiot?"

Adray balled his hands into fists. "I think it'll be fun. Let's go nuts!"

Meanwhile, with sasuke now occupied, Itachi turned his gaze back to Ashley. Ashley held her breath as Itachi moved even closer, still staring at her.

"Itachi-sama, did you want something from me?" Ashley asked softly.

Itachi continued to regard her in his unemotional way, and then slowly reached out with one hand and pushed her against the tree. He put one hand over her neck and held her there, applying very little pressure. He was merely holding her by the neck, not pinning her. He studied the startled but pleased look on Ashley's face and clenched his hand further around her neck, digging into her with his nails, but not quite enough that she couldn't breathe.

Ashley still seemed a little too happy about it, so Itachi tightened his hold until Ashley was gasping for breath and desperately swallowing against his hand.

Itachi's other hand barely brushed over Ashley's hair and then he released her.

Ashley slowly brought a hand up to touch her neck. She carefully felt where Itachi had squeezed her neck and blushed, softly squealing with the thought that Itachi had actually touched her.

A slight flicker of emotion passed over Itachi's face as he again pinned her to the tree with a hard shove. Ashley squeaked as her head slammed against the tree. "I-i-itachi-sama, what are you doing?"

"Shut up," Itachi said in a dull voice. Then he proceeded to shut her up, with his mouth.

Ashley gasped. This couldn't be happening to her. Why would Itachi be interested in her?

Itachi kissed her forcefully, one hand pressing her against the tree and the other clutching a fistful of her hair. Abruptly he pulled back and turned away. "Let's go," he said calmly.

"Me?" Ashley said hopefully.

Itachi looked back and raked over her with his gaze. "Yes, you're coming with me."

Ashley jumped up and down in happiness. "Oh boy! Wait, are we going back to the Akatsuki hideout where that stupid Candeh is?" She shook her fist angrily.

"No, we're going somewhere else for awhile." Itachi reached back and took her wrist and then pulled her along. Ashley grinned with delight and walked along with him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"So cute!' Sophia shrieked, tackling Fayt. "Why can't we be like that?"

Fayt squirmed out from under her. "uh, because-Maria!" Fayt was cut off as Maria came up behind him and tickled him.

Sophia pondered this. "You and I can't be together because of Maria? You love Maria?" Her eyes filled up with tears.

Fayt was too busy chasing Maria down to get even with her to pay much attention to Sophia's words. "You'll pay for that!" He shouted.

Maria giggled madly and ran circles around a large tree until she tripped and fell. Fayt finally caught up with her and stood over her glaring. "Just for that, I'm going to do this," he snarled. He bent down and firmly kissed Maria on the nose and then darted back to Sophia.

"Aaagh! He kissed me! He kissed me! I'm contaminated!' Maria squealed, running in circles again with her hands in the air.

Fayt rolled his eyes and ignored her.

They were all oblivious to a ninja watching them silently from high in the tree. The ninja was waiting patiently for the perfect moment to strike.

All of a sudden, the ground started shaking. Albel gasped and began running around in a panic. "They're coming! They're coming!" He stopped for a moment to nervously chew on his nails and then ran around some more.

"Who's coming?" asked a perplexed Fayt.

Albel raced up to him and buried his face in Fayt's shirt and sobbed, then wiped his eyes. He looked up and desperately clutched onto the shirt. He looked earnestly at Fayt and whispered, "Dragons."

Three large dragons lumbered up to the tree and looked directly at the ninja. "You called us, didn't you?"

Maria screamed and pointed, then fell over still screaming. "They're talking to a tree!"

A disgruntled dragon bent down, stared at her, and carefully flicked her out of the way. She flew a few feet and landed with her head right in Fayt's lap. "Yay! Kiss me again." Maria attempted to pull his head down to kiss her but Fayt struggled and fought.

The ninja leaped down onto one of the dragons' backs and pulled off his black ninja shroud to reveal to the world that he was Alex. "Yes, I did call for you, but you're a little late. The fighting's already over."

"You mean we came here for nothing?" demanded the largest dragon.

Alex settled down onto the small dragon's back between two spikes. "In a way, yes."

"Nobody calls us for nothing," the largest dragon growled, plucking Alex from his friend's back. "You will die for this offense. Fier, Ichors, prepare a pit." He grinned, revealing sharp teeth.

Alex was unfazed. "I see. And what is your name, may I ask?"

"I am called Ibo the terrible," the dragon said gruffly.

Alex pulled out a notebook and carefully wrote it down. "Right, thank you for your time. I'll have to inform the dragon agency that you three aren't fit to be hired out."

Ibo laughed wickedly. "You won't survive to report us."

Fier and Ichors dug a large hole in the dirt and then crawled in. Ibo placed a very large barbecue grate over the hole. "This is what I call a dragon pit."

He dangled Alex over the pit as Fier and Ichors blew flames up at him. Just as Alex was about to be scorched by a flame, a loud poof sound was heard and Ibo felt the weight in his hand shift. He glanced down to find himself holding a stuffed replica of Alex with a note attached that said, "Hahahahaha!"

Ibo bellowed with rage and searched for Alex. "Ha, you think a substitution jutsu will save you? I shall find you and torture you even more for this insolence."

"I don't think so," said a voice from at his feet. Ibo looked down just in time to catch a powerful uppercut to the jaw. Ibo was thrown several feet up into the air and he crashed t the ground on his back, several feet away.

Alex cracked his knuckles and glanced at the other two dragons calmly. "Who's next?"

The other dragons bowed their heads and scuttled off into a tall forest.

Albel leaped onto Alex and hugged him. "You've saved me!"

Alex gently pushed Albel away. "A ninja's work is never done." He carefully adjusted his i-pod to his favorite song and the launched himself into a tree.

Cliff gathered the group together and they began to leave. Sasuke was once again free to chase down Itachi and plot to kill him. Naruto had tripped over a rock and was now back to normal, loudly boasting of his greatness.

Everyone was inside the ship and they were about to take off when something jumped on top of the ship, making a loud clang. Albel gasped and began running around in a panic. "The dragons are back! The dragons are back!"

Adray tackled Albel and knocked him to the ground while Cliff went out to investigate. He discovered Alex the ninja calmly sitting on top of the ship.

"You can't be there!" Cliff shouted. "This thing is going to travel through space. You'll suffocate with no oxygen."

"In that case," said Alex cheerfully. He leaped off the top of the ship and slipped inside.

Cliff ran inside. Chaos had taken over while he left. He pointed at Mirage. "No nail polish on the floor. Maria, get off the control panels. And you..." his eyes narrowed dangerously. "Adray, I know you've been the one making dents in the walls and that has to stop immediately!"

Albel twitched in alarm. "We must go someplace safer!"

"But the ninja is still on the ship somewhere!" Cliff protested.

"We'll find him later. We have to go before more dragons come!" Albel slammed a button and the ship rose into the air.

Cliff stood at the window looking out at space. "I have a funny feeling, guys. Maria, have you ever-" he turned around and stared as Maria hung from the ceiling. "What are you doing? You're supposed to help me pilot the ship."

"You wouldn't let me," Maria pouted.

"Not let you? You and Mirage have to help set the course"

Maria giggled. "Mirage is a little busy."

Cliff's eyes widened and put a hand to his forehead. "What's going on around here/"

A screen on the ships flashed. "Information requested available."

Cliff walked over and examined it. "The ooc, huh? Let's see." His eyes widened as he continued reading. "Jesus, this thing is dangerous. No wonder everyone's so bizarre. It looks like I'm the only sane person around here. I just hope those bugs don't come back. Well, I better get some rest. I'll have a lot of work to do managing the rest of these clowns."

Late at night, Roger ran to Mirage's side of the bed and shook her awake. "Mommy, mommy, I had a bad dream."

Mirage yawned and sat up. "Tell mommy all about it, sweetheart."

"There were ninjas and dragons and ladies with guns shooting people!" Roger said with a dramatic gasp. "It was scary!"

Mirage gently held him and stroked his hair. "It's okay, darling. It was just a dream."

Roger's eyes widened and he pointed at the door. "Look, it's a ninja!"

Alex walked by down the hallway. He poked his head into the room to look at Roger and Mirage and then he walked on by.

Roger whimpered and clung to Mirage's shirt. "It wasn't a dream! It wasn't a dream."

Mirage rocked him gently back and forth in her arms. "You and I weren't there when the fighting was happening. We were busy on the other side of town picking flowers where it's safe. But you don't have to worry about Alex. He's a friendly ninja. He saved us from 3 dragons."

"Wow," said Roger breathlessly.

"There,there. Nothing to worry about now. Go back to sleep, love."

Roger yawned and settled further into Mirage's arms, sucking his thumb as he fell back asleep.


	6. A dusty day

A/N: Yikes, it really has been a long time hasn't it? I apologize most profusely...but unfortunately, I'm the kind of person who gets easily distracted. I'm in the middle of one story and suddenly and idea comes to me and I'm off on another one…it's hard that way…since I usually don't finish anything except one-shots. XDD

Disclaimer: Where was I when star ocean ownership was handed out? Somewhere else, unfortunately….

There were very few sane people on the ship. Cliff was one of them, which didn't say very much. Just because he was sane, it didn't keep him from being unable to handle the situation.

"Mirage! Get over here! I need your help!"

Mirage giggled and held Roger tightly. "Aw, not now Cliff. Roger and I are busy." She kissed Roger's cheek affectionately and held out a yellow ball for him to play with.

Cliff groaned in frustration. "I am doing this all on my own, aren't I?"

"Meteor!" Maria shrieked, launching herself at Cliff.

"Aaargh! Someone keep her busy. Adray, can you hold her down a few minutes?"

But Adray was already busy. He was carefully stalking Alex the ninja, who was perched high up on one of the walls.

Nel was chasing after Fayt, smacking him with one of her poetry books. "The maiden scorned, true love was burned!" she shrieked. "The sins of death, the boy has earned."

Fayt put up a hand to shield himself. "Oh, come on. It was just a kiss, Nel. I didn't mean any harm."

Albel did not like all the chaos at all. He shuddered and hugged his knees up against his chest. He was nearly trampled a few times by the people running to and fro around the ship so at last he decided to crawl into a large box nearby.

"This will do perfectly!" Albel shouted, picking up the box and hurling it at Alex. Alex vanished and dust showered down on the people nearby, causing them to cough.

As the dust cleared, a smile pile of dirt sat in the corner, with a note on top. Albel picked it up and read it. "'Haha, you missed. By the way, this floor is awfully dirty. You should clean it.'"

Adray purpled with rage. "Okay, where is that scoundrel? I'll teach him not to insult me!"

A slight rustling overhead caught Adray's attention. He looked up just in time to see Alex leaping down on top of him and kicking him in the face. Adray fell to the ground.

Alex calmly walked away and Cliff smirked at the note stuck to Adray's forehead. "'You've been pwned by the Note Ninja.' Note Ninja? What's he supposed to do, write us threatening letters?"

A delicate cough caught his attention. He looked down. The floor was covered in a se of sticky notes. "I'm not cleaning this up!" Cliff shouted.

A disoriented Albel crawled out of the box and hid in a corner. Roger came over and stared at Albel. "Go away!" Albel pleaded. "Don't hurt me."

Roger sniffled, sad that Albel wouldn't be his friend. Mirage smacked Albel hard across the cheek. "How dare you hurt his feelings!"

Albel began to sob and Mirage softened. "There, there. Don't cry. You and Roger can be friends. Omg, I know the perfect thing for you to wear, Albel!" She burst out into a high-pitched shriek.

Albel ran as far from her as he possibly could.

Maria thoughtfully examined the empty box lying on the ground. "Rawr, me too!" She shouted, hurling the box at the control panel.

A loud beep instantly quieted the chaos.

"Maria, what did you just do?" Cliff asked slowly.

Maria giggled. "Threw a box. Button go boom!"

Cliff growled in frustration. "Damn it, didn't I tell you not to do that?"

'Never said anything about boxes," Maria said cheerfully.

"No didn't I tell you to leave that button alone?"

"That was the other you."

Cliff sighed heavily and everyone braced themselves for what was to come.

_Fayt walked down the dusty desert road. He was wearing jeans, a light flannel shirt and sturdy work boots. He had lost his hat somewhere back down the trail, but that couldn't be helped. Feeling eyes upon him, Fayt lowly turned his head._

_Another cowboy was watching him from atop the ridge nearby. The stranger wore a purple vest, faded blue jeans and a pair of dark purple boots. Fayt had the distinct feeling of being unwelcome in the strange stare with burning crimson eyes. But before he could hurry on, the stranger called a greeting to him._

"_Howdy there, runt. Whatcha doin' up in these parts?"_

_Fayt stopped and stared at the man sitting on the huge boulder. The stranger tipped his hat to him politely._

"_Just passin' through," Fayt answered calmly._

_The man spat in the dirt next to the rock and began cleaning his shotgun. "Well, you just be careful out yonder, runt. There ain't much the law can do about them outlaws. You're liable to get shot if you ain't careful." He cocked his shotgun for emphasis._

"_Thank you kindly, stranger." Fayt went to tips his hat, but remembered he no longer had one._

_The man guffawed and hopped off his rock. "See here, runt. You already ain't prepared. Lemme take you home and the missus will see about gettin' you a new hat."_

_Fayt walked in silence along this strange cowboy, whom he knew he could trust to his word even though they had only known each pother a short time._

_The man barged into the little shack off to one side of the trail confidently. "Bless my boots, woman. I'm home again!"_

_A loud curse sounded from the back room. The man grinned. "My gal sure as shootin' loves me."_

_A tough, wiry redhead rushed in from the other room, wearing a billowing skirt over pair of jeans and a short sleeved patched shirt. She stopped short and glared at Fayt. "And who's this mite?"_

_The man grinned. "This here is a man I met along the trail. Don't know his name and he don't know mine." He winked at Fayt. "This here's my little lady."_

"_It ain't safe!' the woman said hotly. "He could be a robber for all we knows."_

"_Just calm yerself, Nelly," Albel intoned. He glanced at Fayt. "The name's Albel Nox. I'm one o' the fastest gunman in these parts, so don't bother crossin' me, understood?"_

_Fayt nodded._

_Albel grinned. "See, Nelly? Nothing to worry 'bout."_

As if waking from a dream, the inhabitants of the ship realized where they were. Nel shot Albel a murderous glance, poised with her book of poetry, ready to strike if Albel made a move on her.

Albel crawled under a table. "Why me?" he whimpered. "Why is it always me?"


End file.
